Love Are You Listening Print by Raw Art Letterpress
I can’t count how many times it has happened. When I worked for the paper, I’d often grab some food from a nearby sandwich joint, then take a few minutes in a modest break room to enjoy my lunch and watch the news. I’m a sucker for news, I guess.
The news anchor of Major Cable News Company would introduce the hot topic of the hour, be it sports, politics, crime and justice, celebrity shennanigans, and invite experts to chime in on the matter. The anchor would turn to one expert for an opinion and then to the opposing expert for an opinion. Uh oh. It’s a discussion.
This back and forth discussion quickly turns into a proverbial clash of the titans, each expert passionately bludgeoning the other with their own rhetoric. By now, the news anchor is wearing his or her referee hat and what may have started out as an interesting topic has now completely turned me off. The experts’ constant shouting over each other killed my interest and I walk away, more confused about the topic du jour than I was before. Now what am I supposed to think?
Was it a discussion? Or was it noise? To be completely honest, I’m not sure there is really that much of a difference anymore, especially when it comes to divisive topics that need solutions. The need to have one’s opinion heard over another’s opinion overshadows the fact that there is an issue at hand and that people need to listen to both sides of an argument to make a more informed choice.
Not just hear both sides, but listen to them.
How many of us actually make the effort to honestly listen to an opposing viewpoint without jumping the gun? Do you try to understand how someone arrived at a certain point of view? Better yet, do you ask questions of your opponent? Questions beget answers, answers provide more information, and information helps us extract options for solutions.
Sure, we hear the words people say. It’s what we do with those words that helps us arrive at a solution! When you do find yourself at odds with someone else, retool your approach a little bit. Rather than asking “Why do you feel that way?” try “What with your experience in this matter helped you arrive at this conclusion?”. Ok, maybe not those exact words, but asking about specific experiences helps steer the conversation away from an emotionally charged argument and toward more factual discussion. The biggest benefit of factual discussion is that compromise can emerge. How many times have you thought “Huh, I never thought of that before.” or “Hmm…good point.”. I bet those little nuggets are points of compromise.
Compromise is a great thing. It’s an agreeable solution that can work for both sides. Plus, you don’t walk away confused with bleeding ear drums.
